In a lighter vein
The other evening I was over at a friend’s house where four people who had been playing bridge for years started a game.
After the first hand was dealt, one friend, whom I'll call George, said to one of the opposing players, Fred, “Why did you do that?”
“Do what?” Fred wanted to know.
“Scratch your head.”
“Because it itched,” Fred said heatedly. “What do you want me to do with my head when it itches?”
“Why didn’t you scratch your head before I dealt?”
“Because it didn’t itch before you dealt. What are you trying to say, anyway?”
“Never mind. It just seems strange that I never saw you scratch your head before.”
“Well, it so happens I scratch my head a lot. Do you want me to tell you before I’m going to scratch my head?”
“Why can’t you scratch your head after the bidding?”
“I will if it itches after the bidding. But what’s the sense of scratching it if it doesn’t itch?”
“Come on,” Hilda said. “Will somebody bid?”
A few hands later I asked if any one wanted anything to drink. Everyone said, “Yes,” and I served them.
George picked up his glass in one hand and held his cards in the other. He said, “Two hearts.”
Fred said, “Why did you pick up your glass with four fingers on the outside?”
"How else are you supposed to pick up a glass?"
"I use three fingers."
"You use three, I use four," George said angrily.
“It’s strange that you would pick up your glass with four fingers and say, ‘Two hearts.’”
“What the hell’s so strange about it?”
“People usually don’t take a drink while they’re bidding.”
“I was thirsty.”
“I’m thirsty, too, but I never lift my glass until the bidding’s over.”
“Are you accusing me of something, Fred?”
“I don’t know. But I'll be interested to see how many hearts you have.”
“Well, if you’re so interested, why don’t you bid?”
“I bid three spades.”
“You scratched your head again. I saw it!” George shouted.
"It itched again."
"How come it only itches when you bid spades?”
"It doesn't only itch when I have spades. The last time it itched I had diamonds.”
"Then you admit you're signalling to your partner,” George screamed.
"I admit no such thing. And I refuse to play with a cur like you.” Fred said, throwing down his hand.
"That goes double for me,” George replied. “Any man that uses four fingers to lift his glass and then bids two hearts has to be cheating."
The two couples walked out of the house and haven’t talked to to other since. It looks as if bridge will never be the same.
Comments
First printed in the Herald Tribune in the wake of the Reese-Schapiro cheating allegations.
OK. I only got to see it a few days ago when a friend sent it to me.
Regrettably many a true word is spoke in jest.
As weejonnie says.
Barrie Partridge - CTD for Bridge Club Live